My Secret Revealed… It’s a sad day.

*Added 5/20-Before you read this post I want to let you know I’m so happy!!! The journey was long, but has finally come to an end.

In hindsight, yes, you will see I was crushed by the revelation. But honestly, knowing the information did make things a bit easier for ME. It allowed me to secretly shop for gender specific items. That was fun. It also allowed me to focus on gender specific names. Even though a name wasn’t chosen until she was born! Talk about last minute! Lol!

Anyway, please take this emotional post with a grain of salt. I’m not upset and wasn’t for long after. But like I say later, it was a pregnancy journal.

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I’m auto-posting this after the birth of Ducky. Why? Well, because I still wanted a bit of surprise for somebody. But since I am keeping a Pregnancy Journal this is definitely an entry I don’t want to leave out.

March 29- Today my dreams were crushed. I didn’t realize how bad I really wanted it until it was taken from me. During a family prayer moment Mr. began to pray for Ducky and me. This always makes me nervous because I’m afraid the gender will slip out if his mouth.

Well today, it did. SHE. My heart broke right in that moment. I hoped I could wash over it. Pretend I wasn’t really paying attention. But Little Miss, after the prayer was over said, “You said SHE! That means it’s a girl! It’s a girl!!!” She was so excited. My heart broke more with every giggle, jump, and happy wiggle she did. It depend my sadness even further because I couldn’t even be excited with her.

I almost made it. Today I’m 6 wks & 2 days away from my due date. I wanted this surprise so badly. I cried a bit in the car. I wanted to break down into a huge ball of tears. But had to quickly pull myself together so we could enjoy our planned family day. Time to put on the Mommy Face.

During a moment of sadness and thought, Mr. asked me if I was going to be like this all day. I just shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. Again, fighting back tears.

To be honest, it kinda hurts more that he hasn’t even shown any sort of apologetic attitude. It’s as if it never happened. I hope it’s more of an “I don’t know what to say.” as opposed to an “Oh well.” I’m still hoping he’ll at least acknowledge it. At some point. I’m hoping.

So there you have it. We’re having a girl. The dreams I’ve had have been confirmed. And now all the little things make sense.

So I guess the real question now is what do I think? How do I feel? I don’t know. I have a daughter and a son. I do still believe my son needs a brother more than my daughter needs a sister. But God knows better than I. My thoughts are not His thoughts.

Maybe I’m a bit excited to be able to do a few of the girly baby things I didn’t do with Little Miss- bows, flowers, etc. Plus, with cloth diapering I can get super girly. I happen to think the girl CDs are more exciting than the boy ones.

Bonus…! No circumcision necessary. This was difficult with Papa Son. It took him his whole first year to heal correctly. I can honestly say I’m happy to not have to deal with that.

Another good thought- Just like with Papa Son, Ducky will have a cousin right in the same age. My brother and his wife had a baby boy 7 months before I had my son. They were just blessed to welcome their first little girl this month. So Ducky will have a girl her age to grow up with.

All-in-all, no matter how sad I am to have lost the surprise, I am still excited for this baby. She is a blessing to this family. I am eternally grateful to God for entrusting me to bring forth and raise these precious gifts. All 3 truly are treasures.

Well, here we go… Moving forward. Now I just have to keep the secret alive. Hoping the kids will be able to keep the secret as well. Especially Little Miss. She likes to tell all.

Miracles & Blessings,

Tenaj